Excitement vs Contentment: Why I don’t chase jumping out of bed anymore

I used to chase the feeling of jumping out of bed every morning… I don’t anymore.

When I first did mindset coaching in 2020, looking to change my life, I told Angela that this was how I wanted to feel. I thought if I started every day feeling that excited, I’d know I’d found happiness. It wasn’t a bad goal to set, but it changed over time, for various reasons.

First of all, it’s not realistic.

We can’t possibly always feel that excited (especially after rest), so I was setting myself up for disappointment by thinking I had to measure my life satisfaction by such high energy and excitement.

Secondly, I realised chasing that feeling was something I’d already been doing for a long time, rather than creating more balance. Chasing a ‘dream life’. For a time, I felt I’d achieved that while living in Spain for almost four years, having a big house (it was so affordable to live there), a pool (shared on my street), the beach a five-minute walk away. Living abroad had long been a dream of living an ‘exciting’ life. I then felt I’d achieved it when I finally got to work in fashion; I was very passionate about clothing, style and self-expression, but it also seemed like an industry that was very exciting and glamorous.

The feeling of excitement is very similar to the feeling of anxiety, which I was very accustomed to throughout my twenties (and we can become biochemically addicted to stress, whether we think we like it or not). They both increase heart rate and make us feel more alert to something that’s about to happen. Continuing to be an adrenaline/dopamine junkie (maybe ADHD has a role in this) wasn’t going to help me find what I really wanted and needed…

…contentment.

Because happiness doesn’t always come from excitement. More often than not, it doesn’t. Happiness, believe it or not, can be found in sadness (stay with me).

It comes from self-acceptance; from allowing whatever state we’re in, rather than trying to make things be any other way. Rather than trying to control life, and optimise our feelings. So when we’re going through a difficult phase in life, we could either resist the stress and distress that may arise, or we could soften into it.

You may already be aware of the tension it creates when you notice challenging emotions, then push them back down. Whereas when you feel something and just give it some space, you avoid the added, secondary emotions that pile on top of those deeper, truer ones. Anger on top of sadness, for example; or shame on top of regret.

So I started changing my barometer for happiness. Instead of thinking I’d finally be OK when I jumped out of bed every morning, I started working on embodying whatever I actually already felt. Getting out of my head more, analysing my feelings less and noticing how they felt; the sensations of them, where my emotions showed up in my body. What I learned about myself when I listened to those emotions, and how differently I treated myself when I didn’t ignore what was asking for my attention.

So I realised that chasing endless excitement, trying to regularly schedule it into my morning, was a fool’s game. (Especially now I know that slow mornings are the ultimate luxury; when you’re almost 40, anyway.) It didn’t mean I would never want to feel excited again. Of course I would still feel excited about things when I was starting to create a business I was passionate about, following goals and also pursuing my creative interests in my spare time.

But I’d become so tired of having an activated nervous system that I realised there was deeper joy in contentment. I could find this, and nurture more of it, through stillness practices, by listening to my body, rather than ignoring it, pushing it, wanting to feel endlessly positive, or constantly filling my time with lots of activity.

I realised that when I’m in that state of inner contentment, I can be kinder to myself, no matter what dissatisfaction or inner turmoil may arise on less happy or excited days. I feel more able to hold myself through anything, staying with myself in hard times, rather than panicking and trying to outsource something to make me feel better; a holiday, a glass of wine or five, scrolling social media; endless distraction from the here-and-now; from a version of myself that didn’t feel so shiny.

I read The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle) in 2021, and it really got me excited (ha) about the concept of being content with whatever is here, without needing anything else to happen. Excitement usually depends on something happening; it’s a reaction inside of us in response to outside events. Contentment is being OK with what’s here already.

This part of the book in particular perfectly described how I used to feel while outsourcing my happiness and sense of self: “You may have many exciting experiences that money can buy, but they will come and go and always leave you with an empty feeling and the need for further physical or psychological gratification.”

I stopped trying to escape my everyday life. I had done that many times in the past, not least with more holidays than I could count (and afford). My constant need for escape left me chasing endless short-lived gratification that would leave me feeling empty and sad as soon as I got back home (‘holiday blues’).

Over time, as I committed more and more to doing the inner work, I realised the powerful personal satisfaction of being over doing, as cliché as it sounds. That feeling of slowing down and being OK with myself when I wasn’t doing anything; that was new to me. And that’s the feeling I wanted to cultivate more of.

It’s the feeling I want you to access more of too. That surrendered attention to your inner world; your body and emotions, the clarity of thought from hearing your true inner voice, your innate wisdom, rather than endless overthinking and analysing what you feel.

If you’re interested in being supported with trusting your inner voice and returning to your true self, find out more about my 1:1 somatic healing programme, Come to Life.

If you’d like to join me in Cumbria on my 3-night retreat in June 2027, read more about Embody Your True Nature.